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Sep 18, 2003
Done, Over, No more

  It's over with the whole Erick thing. It's about time I realized that it'll never work. He needs to move on, get over me, and find someone better. And I need to do the same, and I think I already have done the same. Except for the last part. Haven't found someone yet. I think I'll wait a while before I do that again. But I know that Erick will find somebody, he's practically the perfect guy! He'll have no trouble finding someone else. But me on the other hand...Whew.

  Then again, maybe I'm being too hard on myself. There's gotta be the right guy out there for me, right? He's out there, somewhere, just waiting. haha, I'm being so sappy! God. Funny. I'm in a really good mood though, however. I didn't think I would be, letting my obsession with Erick die and all. But ya know, it's for the best

  Sarah Jo

Posted at 06:47 pm by SarahJo
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Sep 13, 2003
Pig Orgasms

  I just finished reading a book, and it didn't have a happy ending. People don't make movies that end in any other way than happy, because if they did, people wouldn't go to see them. They just wouldn't. The book was about this guy, 15 year old, who moved to Cape Cod from Boston, and his parents bought this group of cabins/vacation houses that they could rent out for the summer. And the guy meets a girl, Razzle, she's definitely an interesting one. But the story is just...In the end he moves to Vermont, and doesn't get to see Razzle. They were meant to be together! Why can't they be together..

  Do you pigs really have orgasms that last 30 minutes? That seems like a very long time...I read that that's how long they last for pigs, why is something like that wasted on a pig...


  Lonely and Lost because I haven't talked to Erick in 3 days. Pathetic. Pitiful.

Posted at 03:30 pm by SarahJo
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Sep 12, 2003
So-called "Rememberance" of September 11th

  Yesterday was September 11th, as everyone knows. We went to school and everyone was expecting to have a ceremony of sorts, and one that was very tuned in on what happened that day. But we didn't. Instead, in homeroom, we all stood up and faced the flag in our classroom, had about 5 seconds of our own silent thoughts, and then the school Choir sang 'the Star Spangled Banner' over the INTERCOM. Compared to last years ceremony, this one was JACKSHIT!!! Honestly, it's pretty sad when you resort to singing the Star Spangled Banner over the fucking intercom. And even worse, while the choir was singing, I started to grin and so did my friend. And then we were holding in giggles. And then we were giggling. It was awful. The choir sucked! They were horrible, and they were off key! And they were the ones that were singing for September 11th. Over the intercom...Hahahaha

  It was probably wrong of me to laugh, but I couldn't help it! Those people sounded so bad, they were making the tellie-tubbie song sound like a masterpiece. And when that happens, it's not good. Believe me.

  Last year we all went outside to the front of the school, and had the flag pulled up while our principal talked about the tragedy that happened with a microphone. All of this was outside. Then Mrs. M, the school's art teacher, played 'Amazing Grace' on her bagpipes. It was so beautiful and lots of people were crying, it was inevitable anyway. Then the Choir sang the 'Star Spangled Banner', but they were actually good, unlike this year's singers. Ugh.

  But THIS year, our ceremony was pathetic. A pitiful attempt to remember the innocent lives that were lost on that day in September, that day in NY.

  That's not cool guys.

  P.s: Kelsey, Ellie, and I are going to Elitches in Denver today with our friend Ellie. After school which ends at 3:15 pm, her parents are taking us to her house to eat dinner and chill. Then at 5:30, we'll be at Elitches, and we'll be there till 10:30, closing time! I'll get into the details and tell all about it Saturday when I'll be back home. 

  Adios Padres!           -Sarah- 

Posted at 06:29 am by SarahJo
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Sep 9, 2003

  Lied today, told my mom I didn't feel good. It was more like a 50/50 lie. My stomach actually did hurt and I was beginning to feel exhausted, and since I told her all this as she was rushing out the door she said I could stay home. Mission accomplished. Except then my kid sister wanted to stay hom too, so my mom let her as well. Ugh. I wasn't planning on that happening.

  Oh well. Locked myself in my room, or our room, since I share it with Chelsea. She's my only sibling, and she's 12. Just turned it in August. I wish I had my own room. I better have my own room by the time I'm in highschool. Highschool girls deserve their own rooms right? I think I atleast deserve that, since I can't have love. It's not exactly a fair trade-off, love for your own room. Oh well, it'll have to do for now.

  I stayed in my PJ's all day, like I did during the summer. It was nice to relive the days when I had freedom. Ughhh...So tired. I wish I'd gotten some sleep today, but instead I spent most of the time reading and watching TV. And being on the internet, of course. Took a shower. Layed around some more. The highlight of my day was probably when Erick finally got on. I was on cloud nine, I was happy and I was starting to realize that this day could be good afterall. And then had to go about 8 minutes later. I plumetted from cloud nine and smashed back to the ground. Back to reality.

  He ended up coming back on to tell me that before he'd snuck on, and his brother had come back into the house so he had to get off quickly. Well I was glad to have an explanation, and to have assurance that he'd be on later so we could talk more. Then left again. I wasn't so sad this time, maybe just a little bummed. Whenever he leaves I always get sad, if not a little then a lot. There are only extremes with Erick. I hate him or I love him, (usually both at the same time). I'm sad when he leaves, or I'm happy. If I'm happy when he leaves, it's cuz I'm depressed and I don't want him to know. He's happy all the time, always seeing the best in people, a really good kid. I wish I could be like him. I wouldn't want to make him sad.

"Sweetest Goodbye" by Maroon 5 (love that band to death!)

Where you are seems to be
As far as an eternity
Outstretched arms open hearts
And if it never ends then when do we start?
I'll never leave you behind
Or treat you unkind
I know you understand
And with a tear in my eye
Give me the sweetest goodbye
That I ever did receive

Pushing forward and arching back
Bring me closer to heart attack
Say goodbye and just fly away
When you comeback
I have some things to say

How does it feel to know you never have to be alone
When you get home
There must be someplace here that only you and I could go
So I can show you how I
Dream away everyday
Try so hard to disregard
The rhythm of the rain that drops
And coincides with the beating of my heart

I'll never leave you behind
Or treat you unkind
I know you understand
And with a tear in my eye
Give me the sweetest goodbye
That I ever did receive

Pushing forward and arching back
Bring me closer to heart attack
Say goodbye and just fly away
When you comeback
I have some things to say

How does it feel to know you never have to be alone
When you get home
There must be someplace here that only you and I could go
So I can show you how I feel

Posted at 04:40 pm by SarahJo
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Sep 8, 2003

  Ya know how when you feel lonely you're usually in a room full of people, or atleast at school, and you still feel alone? You know that there are people around you, but you just don't care, so they might as well not even be there. That's how I felt today. I was really lonely. I wished I could just be home so I could talk to Erick. God, he's all I think about these days, it's freaking me out a little bit. I'm worried that when he feels differently about me and gets an actual girlfriend I'll be sad. But I've accepted the fact that yes, he will someday get a girlfriend, and yes, things that you're doing with him will stop. At a screeching halt. But oh well........Life goes on, and by the way, that is such a cliche.

  Over and out.


Posted at 06:58 pm by SarahJo
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Sep 7, 2003
Ya know what?

  There are no Gods at our school. And by Gods I mean hot guys, worth worshipping. (Tee-hee). And for this, I blame Buddha. Not that I'm buddhist or anything, but I have to blame someone, right?......... Alright, scratch the Buddha thing. I won't blame anyone, but I'll still be bitter about it. Instead, I'll blame the lack of Gods at our school, for making me resort to evolving this love life I now have. Let me explain.

  There are no Gods at our school. None. Not one single guy worth even drooling for, let alone worshipping. Sure, there's the occasional guy that you'll hear rumors about. "Ooh, did you hear that Bo from Heritage is coming to our school? He transferred!" Squeel squeel, hug hug. Oh boy. And then when this "Bo" finally gets here...Well, lets just say he's definitely not a God. I don't know what the girls see in that guy, he's suddenly the new obsession for all of them! Puh-lease.

  As I was saying, when I so rudely interrupted myself. My love life. It's on my list of 10 Things Wrong With My Life, aka, My flaws, aka, Other peopls Flaws that Bug me...Uhh...Aka, Stuff I have to Discuss in this Blog. There, good enough? So back to my love life.

  I basically don't have one. My parents are extrememly over-protective, and in my opinion should bugger off. But, I don't say this outloud, naturally. And because they are so protective, I do not date. I'm not allowed, not until I'm married, my dad says. Geeze, does he know that makes no sense whatsoever? I don't think he does. But he doesn't let me argue, so I can't date. And my mom doesn't stick up for me, so forget going to her for inside help.

  So, due to my lack of love and passion, or ability to date, I throw myself at anyone. I get desperate. And I mean, it's not that bad, but it is pretty bad. I get on the internet and go to chat rooms. Make up an alibi, usually a girl named Kelsey who's 17 and lives in Boston. Then I find a picture on google.com with "kelsey" in the adress and up pops the pretty face of a young model. Use that picture, lie to guys. It started out just as an entertaining thing, but then it got out of hand, and I can tell you about one experience in particular...

  About a month ago, I got into this site called Isketch. Cool site. Anyway, I went into the chat room there and started just talking with people, asking for ages and places that people lived, etc etc. And then I found this guy, Erick. He was 16,very nice, sweet, just the kind of guy you wish you could hug the air out of. You get my drift. So we started talking, then we started teasing/flirting over msn IM...Things got out of hand very quickly, if I have to be blunt. Basically, I was just using him. I was amused by the fact that I could be someone else, and have nobody else know about it! Yipee, I found a new trick I can do! And up until then, it had worked like a charm, it made me feel good to know someone cared about me. Even if they didn't know who I was. But then this Erick guy started to grow on me.

  And he'd email me every day, with "xoxoxo" at the end of his emails. He was love-sick, a love-sick puppy. Don't get me wrong, I'm not bragging at all. Lying is easy, and he'd fallen for it. But I started to get the whole Guilty Conscience thing. Damn I hate it when that happens. So eventually I told him that no, my name wasn't Kelsey. I didn't have red hair and brown eyes. (He'd told me earlier on that he found red hair very attractive. That made me feel bad.) I told him I wasn't 17, but actually 13. Amazingly, he took it so well. He was relieved and glad that I'd told him, which kinda freaked me out. What if he was lying too? AAAHHHH

  But he wasn't. So, a couple days later I called him. And we talked, and got to know each other. See, when I lie like that, I act like myself. I just lie about my looks, age, and name. Not my personality, no way. That stays. To wrap things up, we've been talking over IM and the phone for the last month or so now. It's just...So fucked up it's amazing.

  The distance from Connecticut and Colorado keeps us from even expecting a real relationship. It's mainly a...I can't explain it. We get along so great, but it's so hopeless it's depressing. I'd rather not fall in love at all, than fall in love with someone I'll never have. And I know I'll never have Erick.

Posted at 08:54 pm by SarahJo
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10 things that are wrong with my life..Not in this order..

1. My face. Ugh. Acne's a wonderful thing, one of the many's joys of growing up. Only one of them, mind you. But since this is the one that really bugs me, I think I'll talk about this. It all started when my parents didn't teach me that you have to wash your face every single day. So, naturally, I got acne. So I got medicine, to cure the acne. I was hoping, really hoping, that this medicine would make the acne go away overnight. Or not even overnight, over the span of a couple weeks would be alright too. But alas, it was not to be. So my hope for having perfect skin was crushed. Crushed by a million godzillas in army boots. And ya know what? My face isn't all that bad at all. It could be SO much worse. At the moment I only have one or two actual pimples. But when it's your face, and your life, it's as bad as it can get. Eh. Oh well.

2. My love life. If you could even call it a love life. Basically, I'm in love with a 16 year old guy, who lives in Connecticut, while I'm over in cow-town Colorado being 13. He knows how old I am, and that's all good. But the thing is, it's a hopeless situation. The chances of us ever meeting in person are so slim, they might as well not even exist. See, we met over the internet. Talked for a while, then started liking each other. That then led to me calling him. I call him. He doesn't call me. I pay long distance. He doesn't. Maybe if I wasn't so in love, or hypnotized to think I was in love, I'd realize that this relationship's never gonna work.

3. My phone skills. Ever heard of akward silences? Enough said.

4. My math class. First of all, I hate math, even if I am good at it this year. But to top it all off, I get to sit by Olivia, the meanest bitch in the universe. She copies off my papers, whispers about that fat kid that sits infront of us, kicks that fat kids leg, then giggles like a hyena right in my ear...It's like she thinks I'm her friend. Oh yeah. I'm her friend alright. She only poured glue on my pant legs when we were in 5th grade. *sighs* Why must I suffer?

5. My boring life. Ok, so it's not too boring, but it's dull. There's no zest! Not even some spicy in it! It's just...Blah. It's tofu, that's what it is. Mushy and tasteless.I have big dreams, big hopes, big goals! And living in a cow-town like Longmont isn't gonna get me there I'll tell you that much.

6.My over-protective parents. Jesus, how many parents must you meet before you realize that my friends do not do drugs, or have orgies together. How many, huh?

7. The fact that a druggie named Nick asked if he could spank me with his bookmark. Great, now I'm a magnet to kinky-druggies who spank girls with bookmarks.

8. My toes. They're abnormal! Or that's what my cousin tells me...

9. My paper heart. I fall in love way too easily, and then I get hurt when it ends. Damn this heart.

10. My dreams. I dream in black and white. What about color? Is that even normal?

 I'll probably make another entry today. This one was supposed to be for yesterday, but I feel asleep while I was typing it and was too drowsy to put it in.

  Ack. Till the next time I put something in here!


Posted at 12:11 pm by SarahJo
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Sep 5, 2003
Wow. Okay, where to start...

  Okay. So I got this online diary because I figured I might as well right stuff down. Not that anyone really cares what I'm thinking at any time of the day, but what the hell. And plus I'm too lazy to force myself to write in a diary book every night, and since this thing's online, well...Need I say more? So it's a win-win situation I've got going here.

  Writing in a diary's never been something I've been interested in doing. Why would anybody want to write down things that fly through their mind? It's always very personal stuff too, like crushes, or secrets. And then *gasp* the inevitable happens! Someone reads it! Well golly...Hm. Why would anyone write in a diary, if they intend for it to be read? Or better yet, why would anyone be so dumb? Everybody knows that eventually a diary will get read. It will be devirginized usually by an older sibling, but anything can happen.

  So that's why I've never done it. But lookie here, now I am! And I only am because this is my last, desperate act of holding onto my sanity. Maybe something good will come of this whole....Diary business. I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

  In the meantime, I should let you all know who I am, blah blah blah. I'm Sarah. I'm 13, 8th grade, etc. Not really special in any way, and that's cool. I'd rather be normal than be in the Popular Group. But that's for another day...I'm really into acting, the whole creativity and imagination thing. It's workin for me, and lotsa people say I seem to have a knack for it, so I've been trying it out. So far things look good. Real good. And the only thing in my life that IS good, might I add. I draw, act, and write. Though the acting's been what I've payed the most attention to this past summer. Ugh, chaotic summer indeed...

  Statistics are: -  5'8 inches tall (I know, I know, the jolly frickin' green giant)
                       -  115 pounds (not too bad, considering my body build and height)
                       -  No braces, yes glasses (though I do look good in them mind you)
                       -  Marital status is...Undecided. (I'll explain later when I have the energy)
  ....Okay, my nose suddenly is running. Maybe I'm catching a cold? Great, great. Just wonderful. Could this night get any better? Doubtful.

  Till tomorrow! Toodles.


Posted at 11:15 pm by SarahJo
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